Bedbuggy

That when you finally relent to go see a movie with your betrothed, you visit a movie theater that has been frequented by transients and college students from Allston, MA. Therefore, the seats at the theater - except for the ones in the neck-craning front row - are all infested with bed bugs. While you might enjoy the film, these little buggers will enjoy you and will infest your body, clothes and home until you have to move to the moon to be rid of them.

Zombie Encounter - The Pool Version

That when you are watching the pool for some friends away on pleasure, you walk into the pump house to adjust the water settings and - like in the campfire stories we all dread - there's a dead body propped up in the corner of the wooden shed. Scrambling to get away, you allow your feet to become tangled in hose and you fall backward on the concrete. But no, you don't bang your head or even injure yourself and you smile wryly as you hop up and start to sprint away.

Then it happens, you miss a step and plunk your foot squarely into the filter hole which by this time is filled with eyeballs and other body parts because - as you notice - the pool is full of bodies and the one body you thought you were sure of, is now ambling out of the shed with a machete in its hand. As your end comes quickly and painfully - you are sure of two things: zombies are real; you aren't really a fan of swimming pool maintenance.

Snarky Spark

That while you make fun of others who are not fortunate enough - or forward-thinking enough - to get their own iPhone charger, you simultaneously step in a puddle, twist your ankle and stumble forward just enough to upset your entire balance. In one hand you have the aforementioned charger and in the other is your pristine iPhone (thanks to Otterbox and their great cases).

But as you stumble you plunk the charger down in the puddle and somehow twist and shout, jutting your tongue out enough so that it sticks in the dock connector on the iPhone. You then get a shock going up your left arm from the charger and down into your esophagus from the phone.

The resulting shock is enough to damage both your pride and your body. As you lie in the puddle getting a series of mini shocks from both devices, you think that you might stop making fun of the less gadget-fortunate in the world. And you wonder if the tongue shock might be just enough to cure your slight lisp.