Don't be chicken

Each time you crack open an egg for breakfast, keep an eye open and a tiny net ready in case a whole, live baby chick emerges instead of the tasty yolk and white.

'lectric Lagoon

If you have electric locks, windows and other accessories in your car, take extra precautions when traveling near water. As scientists will point out, water can cause a short in electrical systems. Be even more vigilant if you're near a body of water like a pond or lake. For you could veer into that larger body of water when adjusting the radio or looking at yourself in the rearview mirror and then sink like a stone to the bottom when you can't open the doors or windows in a timely manner.

Louie Loogie part deux

The cleaning staff at most corporate businesses clearly resent the people who work there during the day. So, if you're prone to leaving snacks or drinks on your desk, be careful. On too many occasions to count, people have spoken of finding a snot rocket or loogie floating in their soda bottle when they report to work. Now you know to lock up your snacks unless you like to chew on a loogie.

Ink a dink a DON'T

Pens are exploding all over the world every moment. Therefore, you should never put a pen in the pocket of your pants or shirt - or any garment - unless that piece of clothing is water and ink proof. The real thing to worry about is if you get an itch inside your nose after you've got a hand covered with ink. Then you could be putting permanent ink right on your face. And that could close up pores that might cause pimples that could then get infected and turn into that flesh eating staph infection. Ultimately, you could lose your head over an exploding pen. Be careful.

Speed Demons

If you make a mistake when purchasing new tires, you might screw up your driving record. Not directly. But if the tires you buy are larger than your original equipment then your speedometer will read lower than your actual speed. That means you'll often be driving faster than you think you're driving and get more tickets and subsequently lose your license and become destitute because you won't be able to get to work.

Spare a Square

In public restrooms, if you're not careful, stealthy bandits can snatch your wallet from your pants pocket as you sit on the throne. Women also have to be aware that a purse snatcher can snag their purse right from the floor next to their feet.

Wile E-mergency

Wile E. Coyote popularized the inertia-based catastrosphe, but it's not all fun and games. If you're driving along with anything heavy in your trunk or backseat and have to jam on the brakes to avoid a crash, the items in the back will scream forward through the flimsy upholstery and pulverize your body from behind.

Sweet Death

The common, appropriately named candy jawbreaker could easily break your jaw.

Fan-tragic

As it gets warmer, people are inclined to use their ceiling fans more regularly. Unfortunately, if you watch the way a fan wobbles slightly at full speed, you can realize that it's not a stable device. And, if a common housefly bumped one of the blades ever so slightly, your decorative fan would quickly spin toward the floor cutting anything in its path to ribbons.

Boomerang Food

You're better off eating your poorly prepared dish at a restaurant than sending your bad food away and subsequently getting a meal that is warmed up and has a fresh loogie in it.

Wheel Dangerous

The front fork on many bikes can be made of a material like magnesium or aluminum that fails instantly after a 'lifetime' of use. This means that you could pull up on the handlebars to clear an obstacle and then find yourself riding without a front wheel and destined for a hard, probably fatal landing.

Just Foul

Spectating at a baseball game requires vigilance and constant awareness. If you let your guard down for an instant, you could find a rawhide sphere embedded in your skull. The worst part is that a baseball knows no courteous way to bound and will careen off railings and seats just to embarrass you in front of 37,000 people before it takes your life.

Airbag Alarmist

While reaching across the front seat to place your briefcase or other object on the passenger seat, be aware that your cell phone, metal belt buckle, eye glasses or pacemaker could send a signal to the airbag and cause it to inflate. This would cause horrific damage to your ribs and probably kill you.

It's also a danger to have a passenger put their feet on the dash, as the airbag might go off for no reason and instantly snap them in two at the waist and propel them into the back seat.