Monday, June 14, 2010

Fox Fear

That even after speaking with the town wildlife management office about the minimal likelihood that a hungry mother fox will eat your cats, you collect one of your cats from under a bush in the neighbor's yard and while walking to the back deck you feel a sharp pain in your kidney area and turn to find that same fox latched onto your lower back with its sharp fangs. Subsequently, the cat freaks out and scratches half your face off and jumps to the porch while the fox rips a good-size portion of your flesh from your torso and scampers away. Leaving you to bleed and writhe on the lawn, cursing the local government and the entire populace of rabid foxes.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Catcher's Dilemma

That while playing catcher in a baseball game, you are positioned behind the plate in an appropriate place to catch the ball, but the pitcher and the coach keep asking you to move forward so that sinkers and other breaking balls don't bounce in the dirt in front of you.

You comply after much berating and instantly feel the error of you decision as the batter swings wildly at the next pitch - but because you had inched forward, your head is actually on the same plane as the batter's bat and your eyeballs and a pile of snot are expelled from your skull with the force of the blow. And you collapse in a heap...your last thought, "I knew chess club was a safer choice."