Skin-Ripping Scenario

That when you're done clearing off your car in the frigid depths of winter, you'll reach for the house door handle - metal - and your wet skin will attach itself to said metal door handle. Being frightened by the sensation, you'll jump backward pulling the door with you. The weight of your body and the leverage of your falling torso will yank the door from the hinges. With hand still stuck to the handle, you'll slice yourself open from nose to nether regions and bleed to death on the pristine winter wonderland that is your front yard.

Cord Crippler

That when bringing an old computer monitor to the dump or recycling spot, the cord will protest and wrap itself around your ankles tripping you and tossing you headlong down the granite steps outside your home. In an effort to break your fall you'll let go of the monitor and - similar to the motorcycle daredevil who abandons his cycle only to crash into it seconds later - you'll slice your arms to ribbons when you thrust your arms into the screen. The whole debacle will continue until you and the monitor, entangled in death, roll slowly to the curb where the trash guy will toss you both into the crusher.

Futon Fear

That when you've set the futon up as a bed you'll likely roll too close to the side while watching TV and suddenly the allen bolts holding the whole contraption together will let go and pitch you headlong onto the floor.

Then, the rest of the wooden deathtrap will pummel you causing splinters and unimaginable pain right before the freakishly heavy mattress smothers you.

The worst part is that someone will have to find you this way, negating the possibility of an open casket because you'll have some ugly flower or herringbone print mashed into your previously gorgeous visage.

Fly of Fancy

That when you're sipping on your coffee or tea, a black speck catches your attention for a moment. This black speck turns out to be a fly that is buzzing about the room beginning to focus on your cup. Then, when you turn away for an instant, the fly vanishes from sight. You sip nonchalantly and then realize that the moving, pea-size mass in your mouth was recently fluttering about the room.

*Thanks for this concept to Nicholas Butler - Loudmouthman

Off the bridge, into the drink

That windy road conditions will blow you into the ocean and even though the hundred-foot fall doesn't kill you, you'll be stunned enough that a jellyfish will be able to cover your face and suffocate you to death.

Lakeside Animosity

That while traipsing along a lakeside on a carefree nature walk, the turles on the logs, the mountain lions in the woods, the deer, the snakes, the spiders and other assorted creatures won't be deterred by the loud stomping of your feet and will coordinate a careful picking clean of your bones after they attack and destroy you.

Betting on Bed Badness

That as you slow for a stoplight or pedestrian or dog or any other road hazard, the $1000 bed frame you just purchased at IKEA and strapped to the top of your tiny car will rocket forward like...well, like a rocket, and splinter into a billion pieces.

Then, as you roll slowly forward, your tires will all get punctured by the hazardous fiberboard and the car will sink down on its haunches.

THEN, an 18-wheeler will barrel along down the road and won't see your tiny car because it has dropped to its knees and is sitting like a speed bump in the path of the monstrous vehicle.

Finally, you'll get crushed into the pavement by the truck and come to your final resting place - ironically - among the detritus that once was your new bed.

Mighty Meteor

That when you least expect it, you'll have a mammoth or dinosaur moment and be obliterated by an asteroid or meteor. To counteract this I suggest building a bunker in the back yard with tunnels from your home or apartment.

Uncomfortable Recumbent

That when you're riding a regularly designed bicycle a rider on a recumbent bike will sneak up on your right side without announcing himself (or herself). While the rider is hiding in your blind spot - back and to the right - you'll drift to the right and suddenly tumble onto the rider and his freakish bike causing a limb-ripping and life-altering crash that will mangle you and your bike horribly.

Slotter Slaughter

That when you go play the slot machines in either Vegas, CT or RI, the new slot where you feed in money will grab your tie or handkerchief and strangle you unceremoniously. Which also leads me to wonder why anyone would have a ceremony for a strangling or any such event.

Cushy Comfy Icky Towel

That when you grab the luxurious towel off the edge of the sink to dry your dripping body, a spider will have nestled into the folds. Then, as you scrub the water from your face the spider will dash into your mouth and down your throat.