Micey Dicey

That the scratching and scurrying you hear in the walls is from field mice who have decided to share your home during the colder months - and what's worse, they also want to share your food during that time too. But because you've been so good at securing the food in the pantry and the kitchen, the mice only have one option and that's to nibble on your fingers, toes, nose and eyeballs whilst you sleep, causing you significant discomfort and disfigurement until spring...and perhaps longer.

Shingling in my Boots

That when you take a potshot with your pellet gun at a woodpecker, the pellet will ricochet off the house where the pecker is pecking and smash a window, flatten a car tire, poke out the eye of a child riding a big wheel in the street, kill a domesticated pig and finally lodge in your nostril causing you to breathe with a whistle for the rest of your life. And that the woodpecker will get away and turn your house into a pile of firewood.