Escalating One's Fears

That the escalator on which you’re riding has a too-big gap between the plates forming its stairs. And the shoelaces on the shoes you chose to impress your audience (at the latest Inbound Marketing Summit session on how social media can actually cure sick kittens and make food appear in homeless shelters all over the globe) are destined to be sucked into the escalator causing not only a horrible grated human mess, but underscoring the fact that not even Zappos can deliver happiness if a contraption invented in 1891 hasn’t been refined enough to keep people from dying atop it.

It's a Crock...Pot

Whilst napping peacefully on the couch, you hear a slight clank. A sound like metal on glass. Similar to the cats’ tag banging against the food dish - but different and more sinister. The sound continues at regular intervals, just frequently enough to bother you, yet not so often that you are compelled to get up and investigate.

After 11 tortuous minutes of this noise, your brain starts to fill in the unknown. You imagine a rat is hidden in amongst the clean dishes and will bite off your hand when you open the cabinet. Then you think it’s probably a snake that has come from the sewers of New York City - because that’s what they do. And finally, you think it’s a person who was buried in the walls of your house ten or more years ago. This person has finally snapped out of their suspended animation and is knocking on the wall with their hook hand in a quest to get out and find the evil people who imprisoned them.

Alas, the movie producers and dark-novel writers like Steven King have triumphed again as you get up and find out the sound is just something bubbling quietly - mostly - in the crock pot on the counter.

Just Buggin'

That when the bug in the shower gets washed away with your shampoo and other suds, it emits a scream that only other bugs can hear as it enters the drain and then a sewer’s worth of bugs from all the pipes in all the homes and drains all over town start crawling back up toward your shower.

And, as you rinse the vestiges of soap from your body and squeeze the water from your golden locks, an entire battalion of creepy, crawly, icky, slimy and disgusting bugs emerge from the drain and immediately block your exit from the shower. You know in an instant that your moments are numbered as the millions of tiny feet grip your clean, glistening skin and crawl up your body to enter your soon-to-be corpse through your screaming mouth.