Thursday, July 05, 2007
Clipped In-cident
That while riding along on your bike behind a parade, the parade participants will stop suddenly (as parades are wont to do) and you will slam on your bike's brakes successfully bringing your cycle to complete stop — but in that millisecond that you remain upright, you will realize that your feet are still clipped into the pedals and while your life flashes before your eyes you will tilt sideways and then, at increasing speed, crash sideways into the earth.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Air Critter-ditioner
That the air conditioner that you left in the basement or on the porch all winter is now home to funnel-web spiders and brown recluse spiders and all manner of killing insects and that the device will spray these critters all over you while you rest in your cool bedroom unaware of the danger.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Toilet Treachery
That your legs will fall asleep so badly on the toilet that you'll try to stand up and fail miserably, tumbling either headlong into the granite sink and dying from a head wound or flipping majestically into the tub and drowning from the constantly dripping faucet.
Bad Carma
That while fixing your car and leaning over the engine, that your tie or other loose clothing will get caught in the engine and pull you to a horribly mangle-ful death.
Bee-n There, Feared That
That the bees buzzing peacefully around your yard during a cook-out will land in your beer, get angry, then sting inside your mouth when you take a swig.
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