Oil Spill Horror

That when reporting for #ioilspill you bend near the water trying to locate a tarball and suddenly are attacked simultaneously from three directions...from the water's surface by an alligator, from the shallows by a shark who's angry that it's currently #sharkweek on Discovery Channel, and from behind by a local rattler who is peeved that you've left footprints on his sugar-sand beach.

Needless to say, your last thoughts are about the gator, shark, rattler Po'boy you're going to order in heaven.

Mocking My Turtleneck

That when a friend invites you to their office because they have a gift for you, and then they let it slip that the gift is a turtleneck, that when you arrive and put out your hands you feel a slimy tube of flesh that actually came off a formerly live turtle.

And as you yelp audibly and jump backward, you catch the heel of your shoe on the rug at their office and stumble into the hall, falling backward into the Poland Spring water dispenser causing the bottle to become unstable and subsequently drop onto your head.

Well, yes, you're knocked out. But when you come to the horror isn't over because during your collapse, the rubbery, slimy, icky turtleneck squirted into the air and came to rest in your mouth. And as you awake you feel the calimari-esque texture in your mouth as you scream for help and nothing comes out.

Cushy Comfy Icky Towel

That when you grab the luxurious towel off the edge of the sink to dry your dripping body, a spider will have nestled into the folds. Then, as you scrub the water from your face the spider will dash into your mouth and down your throat.

'lectric Lagoon

If you have electric locks, windows and other accessories in your car, take extra precautions when traveling near water. As scientists will point out, water can cause a short in electrical systems. Be even more vigilant if you're near a body of water like a pond or lake. For you could veer into that larger body of water when adjusting the radio or looking at yourself in the rearview mirror and then sink like a stone to the bottom when you can't open the doors or windows in a timely manner.