Roof Deck Decimation

That when the fine weather appears and you go to the roof deck of your apartment with a mint Julep to stroll among the patio furniture, you realize that your glee at the moderate temps was premature and in addition to being slammed brutally by blowing umbrellas and wrought-iron chairs, you notice the nesting badgers in the corner that are skulking ever closer to your tasty flesh. And when you turn to flee, your sundress or other previously appropriate garb catches on the edge of the roof and flings you like so much detritus to the deck two flights below. Just far enough to break a number of bones, but not far enough to deter the badgers from pouncing on your unprotected visage, claws first. Ouchie.

Airbag Alarmist

While reaching across the front seat to place your briefcase or other object on the passenger seat, be aware that your cell phone, metal belt buckle, eye glasses or pacemaker could send a signal to the airbag and cause it to inflate. This would cause horrific damage to your ribs and probably kill you.

It's also a danger to have a passenger put their feet on the dash, as the airbag might go off for no reason and instantly snap them in two at the waist and propel them into the back seat.

Red Eye Reduction

That when trying to color your hair blond, a bit of the bleaching agent will get in your eye and immediately destroy your vision—causing at once two problems...that you won't be able to balance in the shower and will likely fall through the glass door and cut yourself to ribbons; AND that you won't be able see if your new outstanding color choice looks good because only half your head will be visible.

Air Critter-ditioner

That the air conditioner that you left in the basement or on the porch all winter is now home to funnel-web spiders and brown recluse spiders and all manner of killing insects and that the device will spray these critters all over you while you rest in your cool bedroom unaware of the danger.